I saw a woman at Bed, Bath, and Beyond about a month ago. (And yes, I’m aware that it doesn’t have serial commas in the actual name, but it really should, so I’m writing it that way.)

I know this woman from my part-time job at a major weight loss company. I work there part time because 1. I am terrified I will gain the weight I lost back, and you can’t work there and be overweight, 2. I like it, and 3. I get to help people. This lady at B, B, and B is a member (at her goal weight, for the record).

I pretend I don’t see her because she’s with someone and while I usually am not an avoider, I feel weird saying hello to members who are with someone, lest they have to say, “I know that girl from <major weight loss company>.” I don’t want to air anyone’s dirty laundry.

Plus, this lady is annoying.

So I’m pretending not to see her, waiting to return my towels and she shouts, “HELLO! Did you have your baby?”

And I say, “Yes. Three months ago!” and smile like I’m glad to see her.

1. The last time I saw you, I was nine months pregnant, and that was three months ago. I am either the most pregnant person in history, or something has gone hideously wrong.

2. Do I look like I’m still pregnant? That was about 30 pounds ago.

3. Surely someone I know IN A WEIGHT LOSS CAPACITY would notice I am no longer pregnant.